FONSECA SHOW (11/17/17)



Fox News claims the most asked Butterball turkey hotline question is: “How do I thaw a turkey?”

Funniest Calls Of All Time
— The woman who cleaned out her turkey with a scrub brush and asked if that was OK to do.
— People who thaw a turkey in the bathtub while washing their kids.
— A man looking for a quick way to cook his turkey who put it in the oven on the cleaning cycle.
— Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?
— Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?
— Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?
— If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?
— Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

Survey: ”Have you ever crank called a helpline or a hotline? If so, what funny thing happened?”





Dear Fonseca:

The American Music Awards are Sunday night. I despise music awards shows because they give my husband the idea that he can quit his stable job and return to singing. He played in a high school band and in college before becoming an insurance salesman. Every time a music awards show airs he threatens to quit his job and start gigging again with aspirations of making it to Hollywood. It’s a pipe dream because we have two children. He sings in the shower, at family dinners and in the garage. Lately, he’s been asking me if he’s improved and how he sounds. I usually walk out of the room and am afraid to tell him he stinks and is off key. What should I say when he asks these questions? It’s like a woman asking a man, “Do I look fat in this?” Do I tell him the truth or not? I don’t want to break his heart!

Trending …
– The American Farm Bureau says the cost of this year’s Thanksgiving dinner is the lowest in five years. The average cost of a dinner for 10 is $49.12. That’s down 75 cents from last year.
– BuzzFeed claims this year’s hot Thanksgiving food trend involves people coating their turkeys with crushed Flamin Hot Cheetos. People are using the crushed Cheetos instead of bread crumbs and panko
– Time Magazine claims Dolce & Gabbana is selling a holiday pasta that costs $116. Consumers can choose from spaghetti, penne and other pasta shapes.

– Donald Trump Tweet of the Day: ‘
‘To the three UCLA basketball players I say: You’re welcome, go out and give a big Thank You to President Xi Jinping of China who made……..your release possible and, HAVE A GREAT LIFE! Be careful, there are many pitfalls on the long and winding road of life!”


Man Finds Frog In Waffle House Drink: WCTV claims a couple from Tallahassee, Florida recently found a dead frog in their Waffle House drink. Clare Sheats and her husband were dining at the restaurant when he found the dead frog floating in his cup of water. The couple spilled the drink onto a table in order to show employees the dead frog. Waffle House apologized before Clare filed a complaint with state health Inspectors.

Survey. “What’s the weirdest, scariest or funniest thing you, or someone you know, has found in their food?”



Man Wins Lottery With Dream Numbers: Frederick Knox, of Hampton, Virginia, recently won a $100,000 lottery jackpot with numbers he played from his wife’s dream. Frederick and his wife plan to pay off their bills with their winnings





Holiday Decorating Survey

A new survey by Christmas Lights, Etc reveals that 82% of men do most of the holiday decorating on the outside of their home while 79% of women do most of the decorating on the inside of their home. Other findings:

– 25% of people decorate their bathrooms for Christmas

– 50% of people prefer artificial Christmas trees.

– 63% of people say the hardest thing about Christmas is taking decorations down.

– 3% of people dislike decorating for the holidays

Thanksgiving Dinner Survey

A new survey by Meyocks reveals that 36% of American families have banned political talk from their Thanksgiving dinner. That’s up 6% from a year ago. Other findings:

– 41% of American families will talk football during their Thanksgiving dinner. That’s down 6% from last year.

– 78% of families will serve mashed potatoes during their Thanksgiving dinner

– 77% of families will serve pie during their Thanksgiving dinner

– 67% of families will serve homemade gravy during their Thanksgiving dinner

– 67% of families will serve homemade stuffing during their Thanksgiving dinner

– 44% of families will serve pumpkin pie during their Thanksgiving dinner

– 29% of families will serve apple pie during their Thanksgiving dinner

– 37% of people will shop in stores on Black Friday

First Date Survey

A new survey by YouGov reveals that 40% of men feel they should pay for a first date. Other findings:

– 29% of women feel men should pay for a first date

– 37% of women say whoever initiated the date should pay for it. 27% of men feel the same way

– 16% of women say a first date bill should be split evenly. 14% of men feel the same way.

– 49% of women would be offended if their date asked them to split the bill on a first date

– 76% of women would be offended if their date asked them to pay for the first date

Sick Day

A new survey by Careerbuilder reveals that 40% of people have faked a sick day in the past 12 months. That’s up 5% from last year. Other findings:

– 40% of employers have checked on a sick employee

– 25% of employers have fired an employee for faking a sick day
– craziest excuses for taking a FAKE sick day

A bear was in employee’s yard, and they were afraid to come out

Employee’s phone exploded, and it hurt their hand

Employee ate a toothpick in his food at restaurant

Employee broke his arm wrestling a female bodybuilder

Employee called in “fat” because uniform didn’t fit

Dog swallowed employee’s car keys, so she was waiting until it came out

Employee left his clothes at the laundromat

Employee didn’t have enough gas to get to work

Employee had to reschedule a manicure because some of her artificial nails fell off

Employee wasn’t sure how the solar eclipse would affect them, so it would be safer to stay at home

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